jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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