I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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