Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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