4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
