You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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