Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
