dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
