we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
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don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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