just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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