I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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