Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize