can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
