Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
