So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
