I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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