May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
