i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
