So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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