thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
