other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
