totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
