Me. At least after what I've been through.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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