I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
