Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
