he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
