i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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