rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
