If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
