i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
