i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
