Will you blow on my dice?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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