I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
