he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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