Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
