After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
