it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
