Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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