if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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