i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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