Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
