just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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