I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
worst night to have a conscience
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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