I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
