Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
