I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
