Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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