It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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