Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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