we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
