I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
