dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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