I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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