We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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