My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
