So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
