maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
