the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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