just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
