I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
