Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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