the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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