Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
