Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
