The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
